Article by Wendy McCance
I have mixed emotions about Father’s Day. When I was growing up, I was never close to my dad. In my early years, my dad’s job had him travelling quite a bit. I would see him maybe half of each month. I would miss him when he was gone. We would fight horribly when he was home.
I grew up wishing for a closeness that never happened when I lived at home. I used to tell him that I knew why he had a second child, it was because he was so disappointed with me. I would say this with tears rolling down my face and a desperation that he would make me feel better. He never denied my words, but instead would just turn and walk away.
When I had my first child, things slowly began to change. I was 27 years old and he was divorced and close to remarriage. My daughter was his first grandchild. He softened up and really enjoyed the role of a grandfather. He treated my daughter the way I had always wished he had treated me. The care and love he showed my daughter helped in mending a relationship that I thought was way beyond repair.
I married a man who I thought was as different from my father as I could find. I was right. I desperately wanted my own children to have a strong, close relationship to their father. My heart has broken several times because of the way he treats the kids. He is not nice, says hurtful things, isn’t there for the important things in their lives and after 9 years of being divorced, is still a bitter, spiteful individual.
I remarried and somehow found the man who mended all of my bad experiences with men. I will never know how I was able to find such a good man who loves me and the kids so much. My husband was able to fix my broken heart and that of my children. He treats the kids the way I had wished my own father had treated me. There isn’t a day that goes by that he isn’t hugging one of us, saying, “I love you” or just really engaging himself into our lives.
Here’s to Father’s Day. I did not have the father I wished I had. I did not have a good father for my children. I was blessed with a husband who came along and loved the kids better than anyone I have ever known. I am so grateful to my husband.
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Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
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I remember one afternoon when I was single, in my early thirties, walking up First Avenue in New York City. A man walked passed me in the opposite direction, with a little toddler riding happily on his shoulders. As he passed, I felt a tinge of jealousy.
It made me stop short. What was that?!! I had never felt such a thing before. I was young, happy and single, having the time of my life. The thought of wanting to be tied down with a child had never crossed my mind. I was on the hunt constantly – some successes, plenty of strikeouts, but it was always exciting. Where on earth had this alarming new sensation come from?
It took a few more years, but I finally did get married and become a father. And contrary to the expectations of my youth, being a father to my daughter has been far and away the greatest joy of my life.
Love this story!!! Congratulations.
So happy for you. You found someone who makes you happy. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Thanks, I feel pretty lucky.
I too was blessed with a man who stepped up to the plate and made two kids very happy to know him. Ain’t it great!
I’m so happy that you got so lucky too. Thank god for those good men out there!
There are many women who can relate to what you say. All we can do is to heal ourselves and not lament about the carelessness of others. Being unhappy or hating someone only hurts the one who is unhappy. The one they are feeling badly about doesn’t know or doesn’t care and they go on with their lives and continue to hurt others. It’s wonderful that you found happiness and I hope you are reveling in it!
Thanks for your very wise comment. It is so true that holding onto bitter feelings hurts no one but yourself. It stops you from growing and making the most of the life you have. Things happen and it’s just a part of life that needs to be accepted and moved on from.
I am glad you are happy now. We all deserve happiness but it doesn’t always come along. It is a blessing when it does.
Thank you.
I am so happy that have the father (and husband) you had desired for yourself and your children. A true father (and a winderful husband) is a wonderful blessing.
Wendy,
What a wonderful, insightful post. I am glad you found the man of your dreams.
Love & Blessings,
Susan
Thanks.