Keeping Things in Perspective When Times are Tough

143/365 Oh Inverted World


Article by Wendy McCance

One of my children has been going through an incredibly rough time recently.  There has been some upsetting moments with friends.  It is affecting their self-esteem and performance in school.  Lets face it, it’s hard to be a kid.  There are moments when times are touch.  When bad things occur, things can spiral out of control fast.  Feelings get hurt more deeply.  The learning curve is quite high because of a lack of experience.  It’s painful to watch your child suffering while trying to get past some bad experiences.

I always seem to have books and magazines scattered throughout the house.  They map out the places I have been in my home.  Any time I get a break, out comes some book and an opportunity to catch up on something I have been interested in reading.

One of my magazines has a great article on the phases you go through when having a positive or negative experience.  The article came with a chart that I loved.  I have always felt that seeing something when times are tough makes a bigger impression than hearing or reading something.

I cut out the chart and went to talk with my child about their recent struggles.  The chart phases are listed below with an explanation of what I told my child.

Negative Energy

1.  Denial

I spoke with my child about how although they were in a bad situation, they couldn’t recognize that it was a bad situation.

2.  Anger/Rage

I reminded my child how they got upset about the way they had been treated and how they handled it.

3.  Resistance

We talked about how when the friend tried to hang out with them, they were not interested in being with them or speaking to them.

4.  Rationalization

This is where my child is currently.  They are trying to understand why their friend didn’t treat them like they had treated their friend.  There is a lot of hurt trying to understand why people don’t always act in the way you wish they would.

5.  Tolerance

This will be the next step in getting through the situation my child is dealing with.

Positive Energy

6.  Acceptance

7.  Joy

8.  Enthusiasm

The chart worked well for my child.  I pointed out each step they have faced.  I was able to visually show how far they have come.  The best part was being able to show them that the future looks bright.  There are positive emotions on the way.  They have weathered the worst of the storm and will get through this.

My child’s response was one of relief.  They saw the end in sight where they saw no end before.  It lifted my child’s spirits to be able to see how much work had already been done and that the good times were soon to come.

Kids have so much to learn and deal with when times are tough.  This chart was brilliant because it makes sense.  It was relatable and best of all gave my child hope that all wouldn’t be horrible forever.

Wendy McCance

Wendy McCance is a Michigan based freelance writer and social media consultant. Wendy has gained attention as the founder of the popular blog Searching for the Happiness which can be viewed in 6 local papers online, including the Oakland Press.The combination of writing skills and social media knowledge is what makes Wendy such a powerhouse to work with. Stay tuned for opportunities to advertise, guest post and as always, have your questions answered.

To contact Wendy McCance about a writing assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]

6 thoughts on “Keeping Things in Perspective When Times are Tough

  1. In my view, understanding about Ego and drawing out from perceptions, is the key to inspire not only children but all alike.
    EGO : Every human being on this Earth, is born with an “ I” ness in Him / Her and this “ I ness” in every person is known as EGO.
    we should first realize that no one has a truly single, or unified, personality.
    Ego is all about-> Intuition->Feeling -|-  Thinking->Sensation.
    Extraversion and Introversion are the two ways of every person for responding to the situation and both of these are associated with EGO.
    A Simplified View :
    Finally it can be divided as- “ I” am better than Others ( to prove this , U don’t hesitate in hurting others ).
    Id-Ego : The one which makes U and others Happy ( Good Ego). E.g; U feel overjoyed when Ur choicest team wins as if U achieved victory.
    Self – Esteem :Super – Ego ( Which is nothing but Inferiority Complex). The Over-Inflated Ego
    In summary, the ego may be described as that agency which protects the ‘Id’ and which must come to Terms with the demands of the superego. It represents in large part the individual’s social
    environment, although it is also strongly determined in its development by familial factors.
    ** Except for 10~20% situations over which We don’t have any Control, like; natural Calamities, situations and conditions caused by Others…Rest everything we control BY Our actions and reactions, Our faith in Self and Others, Our important human traits like; Integrity, Honesty, Aptitude, Attitude etc.
    A given situation may not be in your hands, but ‘How U react’ is in ur hands..
    “No Power on Earth can Change us if we don’t want to”.
    As a ‘Screw Diver’ needs grip to work, a ‘Blade’ needs a holder, Scissor needs a pair, etc. etc., we also need to team up with at least one to perform, ‘We’ must take precedence over ‘I”.
    Avoid Negative Feelings, they can only hurt you.
    Learn to re- arrange the life in a changed situation; Our life is like words and sentences……
    Analysing and ‘Rearranging them’Changes the entire meaning of life..
    ** Motivation: We can only Inspire others to get motivated enough to make things possible, hitherto considered IMPOSSIBLE and the best way is to “Inspire others by living through examples” as, Motivation Comes from within…
    *It is all about changing the ‘Aptitude’ & ‘Attitude’ and its degree ( or level on higher level from the present one )
    *It is also about making a Person believe that He / She can do it despite All Odds being against..
    *It is also about making a Person believe that ‘No Battle is lost Until U leave the ground’….
    * The Owners own their own Morale.. Failures or Successes…they consider themselves to be Cause…

  2. I really love this post too, but I don’t think I could say it any better than “simply Me” said….
    I hope that thing get better for him soon! I know you are already encouraging him to follow HIS heart and not try to follow someone else’s… He doesn’t have to please anyone but God, himself and probably his parent’s at this stage.. LOL :D When our kids hurt, we hurt…. when they’re happy, we are happy… I tell mine that THAT is just my job… cuz I’m the mom… :D

  3. I really love this post! I believe that who we are inside is a direct reflection of how we view the world, and I believe that we need to remind our children all the time about the positive impact they can have, not just in the world we live in, but in their own lives too.

    Children lift our spirits all the time, just their laughter alone is enough to take away all pain, hurt and anger, and change our lives … I love this post so much because it hits home, and reminds me that my boy is my “sunshine”, I want to make his days brighter, I want to lift his spirits for a change instead of him always being the one to lift mine x :)

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