Article by Wendy McCance
I have a secret to tell you. There are very few people who know I’m writing a blog. When I started this blog, it was the most random decision and stemmed from a lot of built up of stress and disillusionment. I was so upset with my work life, health, family drama etc… I was just burnt out and numb.
I started writing to unload every feeling about every situation that had somehow gone bad. I was questioning the secret to happiness. What would it take to set myself right and put me back on a positive course? So I started writing and unloading everything that had been building up inside of me for such a long time.
I didn’t believe anyone would notice me writing and felt pretty brave about saying whatever was truly on my mind without worry of judgement, offending anyone or having to play it safe in any way. I was shocked and surprised when people started noticing me. I started getting some great comments which propelled me to keep going without worry of changing my style of writing or what I was saying.
So here I am a few months later, comfortable with my blog and feeling a thousand times better about myself and where I’m heading. So, why am I being so secretive about the blog with people I know? Well, I tippy-toed my way into the idea of mentioning it to a few close people. I told my mom, my dad, my husband’s mom and one of my closest friends. Everyone was supportive except for my mom who kinda really didn’t get the whole blogging thing at all. Understandable since she is barely computer literate. My dad turned out to be the most supportive and asks about the blog and encourages me all the time. He thinks it matches my personality and works well with the juggle of family life and my health issues. He has not read my blog, he doesn’t even own a computer let alone know how to turn one on. My husband’s mom was supportive, but I think she wonders where this writing interest came from and thinks it’s rather random. My friend thought it sounded good but didn’t say much else. None of these people have read it or asked me to pull it up on the computer so they could check it out. The only person who has read my blog was my husband who checks in on its progress periodically.
The question I have been asking myself is who really has your back? Can you tell friends and family what you are doing in life without fear of them looking down on you? I was so scared to mention my blog to anyone. No one knew I liked to write. Heck, I didn’t know it either until I started the blog so that’s understandable. What drives me crazy is that people I know are taken of guard and just think it’s too random. I say, why not? What does it matter when the interest begins? If it isn’t stated early in life what does that really matter?
This is what I have learned. I am afraid to open myself up as fully as I will in my blog. I’m talking about opening up to the friends and family who have known me for years. I guard myself for fear of being looked down or laughed at. I have read a few blogs here and there since I started blogging. There are so many people who can pour their heart out on a page for the anonymous world to see, but I will bet you that these people wouldn’t dare be this authentic with people in their everyday life. Why is this? How can I be so proud of my blog in front of people I don’t know, but feel embarrassed about it in front of people I do know?
I have always thought I was incredibly genuine around people in my everyday life. I am not known for being fake in any way. I tell it like it is, and I’m kind. I don’t gossip or treat people in any way other than how I would like to be treated. Yet, I never realized that I still guard myself. I give people only a peek at all there is going on inside of me. Maybe if I was as open in person as I am on this blog, there wouldn’t have been such a surprised reaction. Maybe then a portion of my followers would be people I know and love. I think my next big step will be to be more open to those who know me. Really start to put myself out there and allow people to truly know who I am.
Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
Latest posts by Wendy McCance (see all)
- A Week in the Life of a Writer - August 3, 2014
- Give Yourself a Secret Advantage Before Starting Your Own Business - July 30, 2014
- How to Improve Your Presence on Twitter - July 29, 2014
It is not that they do not want to see the real you. It is that they formed an opinion of who ‘you’ are a long time ago and they have not revised their opinion. That is why you can go back to visit someone you have not seen in ages and find yourself right back in old habits with them - they have such a coherent view of you as they once perceived you to be and they have thought on it long enough that it is even more coherent than your own view of your current self.
We would all be served by understanding that the people we know and love change and evolve. No one remains the same.
Discover the beauty they have become.
Look at who they are now.
One way not to stay stuck in this place is not to see people as they are being but to see their potential — then when they become more you will see that they are fulfilling the potential you saw but you might not have seen all the potential so you could still see them as less than they have become.
Our own perceptions of others are always based on where we are (our emotional place, our beliefs, expectations and focus). Likewise, their perception of us cannot come from a place outside their emotional place, their beliefs, expectations and focus.
Just be you and know you are being you. Love them for who they are. Do not ask them to be different. Be who you are.
Hi Jeanine, You are so wise. What a beautiful way of explaining the subject. Thanks so much for your comment.
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Often, those closest to us have their own ideas of who we are (or more importantly, who they want us to be), so any deviation from that “picture” is difficult for them. Thus the surprise, and/or lack of true support from them. I remember being accepted into a prestigious art college and my grandmother saying, “you know how to draw that well?”. And, this was after years and years of my taking art in school, awards, etc.
Those who don’t already know us are more open because they are learning about us. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why writing for “strangers” is easier and why being guarded with those closest to us happens. And I agree that the “hurt” that can come from those we know who don’t understand or support is always greater, so I think we try harder to avoid it.
Hi Kay, You are so wise. That was the best explaination. Thank you so much for your insight, I really appreciate it.
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Yes! As we’ve said, so much similarity between us and the path we’re currently on. Writing for anonymous people is much safer than letting those I care about know what’s up for me. I think it’s because we care so much more about the opinion of those we love than of the strangers here on the internet that we feel uncomfortable sharing who we truly are with them. If they reject us or laugh at us it will hurt so much.
I’ve started taking steps, too, of sharing my blog. I have selectively shared my blog with groups I trust (my goddess circle being one). This past week I started having my posts automatically posted on my Facebook page as I made them. It has been so liberating to let people actually see the real me.
You are really brave posting to Facebook. I am not on Facebook, but if I was, I wouldn’t be able to take that step yet. The sad part about the fear and who you open up to is that on my blog, I have gotten the nicest and most supportive comments. Keeping that in mind, you would think that experience would make it easier to share my blog with the people I know, but it’s not.
Wendy McCance
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One step at a time, Wendy. I, in fact, think you are braving than I am by telling your family about your blog. My family is not on Facebook, so it is not as big of a step for me as telling my mother about my blog would be.
Querida, você vive em função dos outros ou de si mesma? Porque ter aceitação de todos é tâo importante para você? Entenda não consiguimos agradar a todos o tempo todo. Nem reis, nem governo, em toda a história, conseguiram isso. Portanto, eu acho que voce tem que ser voce mesma, gostem os outros ou não. Critica sempre terá. Depende de você torná-las boas ou não.
Hi Elizabete, I wish I knew Spanish. Unfortunately, every comment keeps showing up in a language I don’t understand.
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Here’s a little bit of advice from a guy called Carlos Slim Helu, the richest man in the world: “When you live for others’ opinions, you are dead.”
Interesting. Never heard of that quote.
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It is a cold hard fact. Sometimes those who are closest are not wanting to see the real you as much as you are timid about showing yourself. Does that make sense?
Not really, sorry, you lost me.
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