Article by Wendy McCance
I recently came to the conclusion that every decision we make and where we are in life is all based on the way we handle fear. I know this is a pretty dramatic statement, but when you begin to examine your life and the choices you have made, it’s pretty clear that fear played a role in your decisions.
Have you ever thought about why you took a particular job, bought a certain car, picked the person you are in a relationship with or how many goals you have knocked off on your list of wishes and dreams? Now, ask yourself, why you chose the way you did. Maybe you took a job because it was the easy choice or the car you picked seemed safer. Maybe you felt that you wouldn’t end up with anyone so you latched onto the person you are with now. Sure, it would be easy to assign obvious fear based reasons to every choice you have made, but what about the choices that don’t seem based in fear at all?
Lets say you picked a college because they had the best program for the field you would like to pursue. That’s great, but it’s still a fear based choice. Why was it so important to go to the college with the best program? Well I’m sure you wanted the best education possible and the most impressive resume when applying for jobs. But, what if it wasn’t the best? Does it make you feel anxious picturing what it would be like if you had chosen a subpar school? Do you think you would have had a more difficult time finding a job or doing well in your field?
So, why is it important to approach decisions by looking for the fear residing in the choices?
If you make your decisions by looking inward and searching for the fear, not only will you learn more about yourself and what is important to you, but you will make more satisfying decisions.
I have had a rough year. Since my cancer diagnosis, I have had a hard time getting my motivation back. I have been struggling to prospect for business and although I have done it anyways, it just felt like I was swimming upstream. I couldn’t figure out why I was having so much trouble getting back to work.
It has taken a lot of soul-searching to finally get to that aha moment where I understood why I was resisting work, but I finally figured it out. I have spent my entire adult life working full-time while raising my children. It wasn’t a choice, but a necessity. I have spent years struggling with the fact that I wasn’t able to be a stay at home mom. Well, now the two youngest are in high school. I only have a few years left before the kids are out on their own. I have been having a hard time watching them grow up and letting go. I just don’t want to miss another moment during these last few years. On top of that, I think about the cancer. What if a few years down the road I was at the end of my life. Would I regret not having had some time to really focus solely on the kids?
It was jolting, but I realized I was dragging my feet because I just want to put all of my effort into time with my children. I have been walking around with intense guilt because I would rather be tight on finances than miss another minute with the kids.
I finally understood where I was at and why I was handling things the way I was. Fear was guiding my decision. I didn’t want to miss out so I froze up, unable to work at growing my business the way I had just a year ago.
When I understood what I really wanted, I took action and talked with my husband about how I was feeling. We decided that I would work with my current clients, and take a break from adding on any additional business. If money really gets tight, I can always find some additional work, but thankfully my husband understands and supports my decision to just enjoy these last few years with the kids.
If you look hard enough, there is fear behind every decision or lack of decision. Breaking it down and looking for what scares you can only propel you to a better place. Think about it, how you handle your fear defines your fate.
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]