Article by Wendy McCance
If you have read this blog before, you know that I over think everything. It’s just my nature to have a childlike curiosity about everything around me. One of the things that I tend to do is analyze and look for ways to improve my situations. I do this even when things are going great.
I have always had a fear that if I don’t stay on top of things while they are going well, those same things will get neglected, become taken for granted and begin to crumble. I have witnessed this scenario with many couples around me. I don’t think I will ever take my own marriage for granted.
I cherish my marriage. I am married to my best friend. He is a wonderful man and I love him dearly. There are so many things in life that can get in the way of a good relationship. Work, kids, friends, family and any other obligations, commitments or other areas of your life can be distracting. It’s so easy to let a marriage run on auto pilot. You’re there for each other and know the other person will understand when your attention is needed elsewhere, so you put it last on your priority list.
The problem is that this can develop into a pattern. Once you start taking your significant other for granted, the sparks die down and the relationship becomes dull. People need nurturing, encouragement and fun. You look to your partner to recreate those feelings that were so strong in the beginning. What happens though if they are hard to find?
So, back to the fact that I over think things. I know I drive my husband crazy at times, but if we start to veer off in separate directions, I push to get us back on track. To much time apart and I ask for a “date day.” Too tired to get close to each other? Tough I say, get over it and snuggle up.
There have been moments where my husband thinks my worries are a little overboard, and that this is just life. Thankfully, he understands and is game for keeping things sweet between us. My view is that you only get one life. Who says that I need to follow others leads and allow my marriage to get ordinary. I crave excitement and joy from my marriage. I am bound and determined to never take what I feel is so very special for granted.
How do you feel about this subject? Do you just go with the flow and allow things to just run their course? Are you the type of person who tends to put a lot of effort into your relationship? I’m curious to know how other people treat their relationship. Especially those who have been together for quite a long time. Words of wisdom are always appreciated. 🙂
P.S. I found a wonderful article that ties in beautifully with this post. I am happy to say this article is from one of the blogs submitted on the opportunity page. Please check out Hot Cup of Love and the link here: http://www.hotcupoflove.com/lovechallenge/ It’s really a very good blog.
Related articles
Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
Latest posts by Wendy McCance (see all)
- When House Ambition Takes Over - July 26, 2016
- Where Do You Write? - July 22, 2016
- As a Parent, How Do You Feel About Pokemon Go? - July 13, 2016
This post is very dear to my heart. As a former Marriage counselor, I would suggest to my clients to stop working so hard on their marriage, and to concentrate instead, on the love they have for each other. Work is hard, which at times saps you of all of your energy. Said energy should be focused on redirecting your steps in the direction of that love one, best friend, lover, soul mate, and above all, the one you could not live without, nor take for grante.Once you have achieved this phenomenom, you wiil never take him/her for granted. It’s not in your DNA.
Stay in love, not just say that you love him/her. Being in love with your significant one can be the greatest the joy you will ever experience in your life.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I love reading comments and knowing that people are putting effort into marriage. Marriage and family are the core of our culture. To allow for complacency will certainly sabotage what matters most in our lives! Thanks for sharing this great post, Wendy
http://lisaskabrat.com/2012/02/01/sabotage-2-complacency/
i’m glad you enjoyed the article Lisa. 🙂
This time around, no, I don’t take it for granted. I’ve married the same person twice. I think initially we were immature, maybe even at times, had wrong motives. In this season of our lives, after experiencing many things, we are a lot more mature, more humble, more thankful, and gracious towards each other. The communication is excellent and we let each other how much we appreciate each other.
I have always told my kids that they should wait until 30 to get married. Back when I was young, we were getting married so young. I don’t think many were mature enough to take care of their marriage the way they needed to.
Aw man, thank you for the shout out! I was just checking in and didn’t realize you did this. Though we would like to think that our relationships are split 50-50, sometimes you have to be willing to put in 70% when your partner is only giving you 30%. It may seem a little irritating at the time, but I promise it will be reciprocated somewhere down the line. Love it!
i think you are exactly right. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
I definitely have to think about it,being married for nearly 26 years, I suppose one takes a lot for granted. will write y own view/post about it and link it to you as an answer. Maybe it is a good thing to do, while Valentine is around the corner…thanks for the thought…
Sure thing.
Nothing fills more blog pages than marriage, eh? I’ve been married for 13.5 years- not as long as some, but long enough to have had a few experiences. And here is what I have found: I married a wonderful man. I did not “get lucky” as many say. I worked hard to pick a good man. I dated a few frogs and insisted on a prince, well as much of a prince as anyone can be. But trust me, life isn’t all fairytales and castles even with a good man. It takes work- and some days it takes more work than I have the energy for.
I am like you and tend to work on things that don’t always need to be worked on simply because if we don’t work on them they’ll end up needing work. You follow that? 😉 I once read in that tiny “Life’s Little Instruction Book” that we should “commit ourselves to constant self improvement.” The benefit of that is keeping a watchful eye for places that need work. The downside is sometimes having an eagle eye trained to such a degree that we try to fix what is really fine to begin with.
So to answer your question I do work on my marriage- a lot. Not because it is broken but because I know it’s my role in our marriage. My husband would tell you the same thing. I make communicaiton a priority, I insist on cuddling, we work hard to make us giggle and laugh and I force him to have conversations he’d rather avoid. But he meets me willingly. He knows I don’t take advantage of that role and disrespect him or manipulate him. I’m don’t try to get him to say sorry and take the blame for any problem we have. I try to get the conversation started wo we can clear the air before blame turns to resentment. That will ruin any relationship fast!
Sorry for the long-winded response.
Vicky
http://www.thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com
Loved reading your thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Me and hubby are often on the same wave link and many times he will come home from work and tell me something he was thinking about during the day and it I will say I was thinking the same thing or I will tell him something and he will say I was just going to say that to you…………do we take each other for granted yes I am sure we do…………….after 29yrs together it is normal but we do try to remember how much we mean to each other and that we would not want to be apart……..
Yes we have had problems in our marriage that is also normal but there are far more good things then bad and we are still in love with each other and want to grow old together………….if I don’t kill him first………….lol
The fact that your husband wants to share his day with you speaks volumes. It’s all about sharing and communicating and being excited to let the other person into your life. Sounds like you and your husband have a good balance of all of it. 🙂
I think my husband and I are just compatible - and have complementary strengths and weaknesses. Life would be a lot tougher if we didn’t have each other. I’m not sure how hard we “work” at our marriage - I just think we know we are lucky that things have turned out so well. And by that I mean - we get along! Also, the older we get, the more realistic our expectations and that helps. Married 20 years.
Congrats. 20 years is fabulous. Thanks so much for your thoughts. 🙂
“I am married to my best friend.” That makes all the difference in the universe.
I think so too.
My relationship takes a lot to maintain. As we are not allowed to get married in our state (not one of the nine) nor are we recognized for any of the 1100+ Federal benefits that go along with the piece of paper people can go get in Las Vegas, I have to think of the mechanical and legal side of our twelve year friendship and partnership in a way that most people simply do not. Sorry Wendy, but you probably do take your marriage for granted (at least as it relates to the many thing you do not have to think about regarding your partnership). Your blog was very elegant and wonderful. I do put a lot of time into my relationship. We are very, very, very, different and without constant tending it would end badly. I love him very much and am willing to spend a lot of energy “being in the relationship.” Thank you for the reminder.
I hadn’t thought of it but, you are right. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to love someone and not be allowed to get married. These are things that I take for granted for sure. I hope that things continue to change and that anyone who finds love can express it in all the same ways as anyone else.
Hi Wendy—great post and good reminders. It is so important to let others know that some marriages can thrive and get better and better as time goes by. By writing about it and sharing ideas we encourage each other to stay committed and “grow” the most important relationship in our life… http://smartliving365.com/the-best-marriages-get-better-better-thirty-five-years-still-counting/
thanks for the comment and the link. 🙂
Great post! Some people definitely spend more time and energy “getting” into their relationship than they do “being” in their relationship http://blog.sarahschmermund.com/2013/01/10/would-you-marry-you/
That is the perfect statement!! I love it. “spend more time getting into their relationship than they do being in their relationship.