Article by Wendy McCance
It’s the weekend, and for many people a chance to catch up on things they have neglected. Maybe you would like to catch up with friends and family. Maybe you want to enjoy some extra time with the kids. Possibly you have the dreaded chore filled weekend. You might even just want to have an extended pajama party lolling around watching movies or taking a nap. The intentions are good, but how much of what you want to do gets done? What keeps you from making yourself the priority?
How much value do you put in doing something that is important to you? So many people get caught up in the noise of others. Let me give you an example. Friday night my husband came home from work EXHAUSTED. He had been having some crazy busy days at work and would come home and go to sleep around 8:30pm. This was after struggling to stay awake long enough to have a change to catch up with the family and try to unwind. It was painful watching him attempt to interact and many days, I would just point him in the direction of the bedroom.
This last month has been unusually busy. My ex-husband had an extended vacation and we had the kids just about every day (Please don’t think I’m complaining. Honestly it was wonderful and I wouldn’t have traded it for anything). My son is playing sports right now and between practice and games, he is busy 4 times a week for 3 or 4 hours at a time. My youngest daughter is in a play. The play is this next weekend and rehearsal was ramped up to 4 days a week until 9pm each night. My husband is in school on top of his full workload and had finals to get through this last week.
Whew, anyway, we have been busy. We haven’t had time to pay bills or do home maintenance or just breath. This weekend the kids went back to their dad’s house. We had decided to catch up on our responsibilities, enjoy some alone time and just get an opportunity to wind down a little.
Friday evening around 8pm, my husband got a call asking if he could come help out with some physical labor for the next day. My husband immediately said yes. This is how my husband operates. He loves those close to him and no matter how beat he is or how much he has to do himself, he will give to others first. When he got off the phone, I reminded him of what we had planned for the weekend and mentioned that if he didn’t get some rest, he would be no good to himself. He just truly needed a break.
In the end, he found out that it wasn’t the most important thing if the project was done this particular weekend. He said he would help out when it was rescheduled and was able to be of service to another while maintaining the things he needed for himself. My husband stressed about possibly disappointing others all evening. It wasn’t until the second call and a compromised was reached that he was able to give himself a break.
Does this sound like you? Are you that person who makes yourself the last priority? What keeps you from asserting yourself and allowing yourself to come first? What have you done that has eased the guilt and given you the break you needed?
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Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
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I have certainly been guilty of this in my past. I have been on a new track for awhile now and although difficult it is very rewarding
This definitely sounds like me, and I think not seeing how much I am worth to my family “if I was not around” is what is motivating me to change this paradigm. I am a doer, and I have had to stop myself and realize I am worth more, at least to myself so that others can appreciate me better when I rested, when I am happiest.
Hi Crystal, Thanks so much for your comment.
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It was my pleasure…looking forward to reading some more of your work.
I try to do only what I really want to do as I believe this is important but sometimes we do things that we think others want us to do. Sometimes we want to support our friends, for example, today I am going to my friends Doll Show and really I would just rather stay home and work around my house. Its the first nice day in awhild too but it will all work out and I will get to see a few friends and catch up too.
What a great comment. I think that’s how many of us feel. Thanks so much for your comment.
That sounds all to familiar. I have such good intentions and then a friend will call asking for help. My husband has no problem saying no, where it is a word that could use more practice and exercise in my vocabulary. I am a work in progress. I am learning to nicely say no with quilt.
Thanks for your comment. Don’t be to hard on yourself. You just have a very gentle heart.
Nah…I tell them I’m old and need my rest!
Me too. I just wish my husband could do that as freely.