Article by Wendy McCance
With the New Year upon us, I have been doing a lot of soul-searching. What have I accomplished this year? What has made me truly happy? Where do I see my life going in the coming year? I have come to realize that I am simply bored with my life and need to make some changes.
For many years since I divorced, I put all of my energy into the kids. Whenever the kids were at home, I put aside everything and made it all about them. If they wanted to do something with me, I was there. If they wanted to do anything with a friend, I was available to drive them wherever they needed to go.
Now I know that what I am describing is simply being a mom, but trust me when I say I took it to the extreme. I wouldn’t see my friends, go out with my husband, work overtime or do anything that didn’t focus solely on the kids when they were home. I don’t regret one moment of the way I went about taking care of the kids. This was just how I decided to take care of them.
Now the kids are getting older. They are much more independent now. I have had more time to put into my interest of writing and my career as a real estate agent. I am learning how to work on me again. I have had some incredible moments, but overall I am feeling a strange type of boredom.
I have an excellent relationship with my husband and have several hobbies that I still enjoy. What I’m trying to describe isn’t depression, but after some soul-searching, I have come to realize that I have lost my way when it comes to having a social life.
I have some nice friends and keep in touch on Facebook, but to be quite honest, I have never embraced the traditional ways that people keep up with each other. A little secret, I just don’t enjoy Facebook (for instance). Facebook seems boring to me. How many times can you like a person’s status? I do like seeing the pictures and knowing friends and family are doing well. There is just no depth to the site and as I am realizing, that is what I feel I am missing.
I have had the same group surrounding me for as long as I can remember. Sure these are lovely people, but I believe my boredom comes from a lack of a challenge and a stimulating new experience. I want to get to know some new people who can turn my world upside-down. I want to know someone who I can look to as a mentor. I want to meet another person whose life is nothing like I have ever known. I feel like I need to grow intellectually and even artistically through some new social experiences.
I don’t know if this rambling of thoughts will make sense when read by another, but if it does, and especially if you have had this experience, what did you do to get out of your comfort zone and switch up your experiences a little? I have thought about joining some groups, but I keep putting it off because of the uncomfortable nature of being placed in an environment with no one I know.
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Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
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I’m still learning from you, but I’m trying to achieve my goals. I absolutely enjoy reading all that is written on your blog.Keep the tips coming. I liked it
I’m so glad you have been enjoying the blog. Thanks so much and Happy New Year!!
Bored what is that…………………I am not familiar with that term………….lol
Now I know I am older than you, but it might help to read Christiane Northrupp’s book on Menopause. She talks about how women go through stages and about the time the children are finding their own way we hit a stage (hormonally or whatever) where we want a life that is just ours (I’m paraphrasing). I think I hit this stage right on target.
For me, I had the same group of friends, it was like a closed circle, no one new seemed to enter the picture. I began to feel stagnated and wanted something else. I didn’t know what it was. Then this past year I moved and changed everything about how I was living. A little comment changed everything. It happened when a neighbor walked by, introduced herself and in the conversation I mentioned how much I would love to use the field facing my front door to garden in. She picked up her phone, called management who approved what I wanted to do. Just being outside working people began to come up and talk and I found a whole new life with new friends.
The only downside to my new life is that the group of friends I had for more than 20 years have decided I am too different and have moved on without me. It turned out okay as I found I had been stifled by their opinions for a long time and feel freer than I have in a long time.
I sure hope this helps, good luck with the upcoming year. I hope you find what you are missing.
I love recommendations for new books to read. The book you described sounds perfect. I have often wondered about friends who have been close since they were in school. People change as they grow and staying close I think could become a challenge. 20 years is impressive. I’m so sorry that these friends couldn’t embrace you as you grew. You would think after that many years a few changes here and there would just make things more interesting. Thanks again for the book suggestion and for sharing your experience.
Let me know if you get a chance to read it it’s usually available at most libraries. I should say that in many ways I found after they left that I didn’t fit in with the changes they were making either, just didn’t want to walk away from such a long friendship.
I will definitely let you know what I thought of the book.
I like your writing. I have been feeling bored with my life as well even though I received my notary and I went back to college and completed a certificate for recycling resource management. Most of my friends have moved out of state. I want to work in a job that is meaningful and I want friends that are stimulating to talk to. My blog is seekingmeaningfulness.wordpress.com.
I’m so glad you liked the post. Sounds like you are working on just the things that feel off in your life. I think if you continue on this path, a great deal of success is in your future.
Wendy, I think your struggles are a sign of inner growth. I hope 2013 will bring you much happiness and growth for you!
Wishing you and yours much blessings in the new year!
Thank you so much. I hope my posts don’t sound as though I live in turmoil. I’m actually quite content, I just get curious and I’m always looking to know more about life and how it works. Have a wonderful New Years and a fabulous 2013.
In life we move form one experience to another driven by need and desire. Boredom has a purpose in all that. It pushes us to reflect and contemplate the next move or direction. It’s a very useful time and one that I find frustrating, difficult, exhilarating and exciting all at the same time. Happy New Year and my your boredom bring you great vision for your next steps.
I think you stated it perfectly. You are very wise.
I FEEL THAT SAME WAY-THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE..FACEBOOK IS JUST AN ILLUSION AND A WAY TO ESCAPE,I’VE BEEN OFF OF THAT FOR 1 1/2 YRS. IT ONLY DID HARM TO ME AND WATERED DOWN MY IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS AND GAVE ME A FEW FAKE ONES..IVE ACTUALLY FELT LIKE THIS MY WHOLE LIFE-ALMOST A SUBTLE RESTLESSNESS, IF U WILL.<3
Thanks for your comment Chuck. I resisted Facebook for a long time. I finally started using it because I wanted to stay in touch with relatives and friends that live out of town. It sounds like you have a very creative personality and need something that will inspire you. I hope that 2013 brings you a creative outlet that thrills you.
Wendy,
You said, “I want to meet another person whose life is nothing like I have ever known. I feel like I need to grow intellectually and even artistically through some new social experiences.”
I know this feeling. I have no problem meeting new people. I live at the coffee shop in the morning and go out of my way to introduce myself to strangers as the opportunity presents itself. This gets exciting at times, and I make some new cool friends there.
We have some interesting folks from all over the planet at Linked-in. This is a good place to connect with some great writers, especially by joining “Before the Ink Dries”. This is a closed group for writers in particular, you would fit right in. This is your open invite. Stop by, knock, and I’ll open the door for you! Smiles!
Facebook is a lot of work to maintain and has not produced any tangible results for this writer, and they will shortly be charging everyone to be on it, now that Zuckerburg has sold it.
Cheers, Don
Thanks Don. You always have some great comments. I will definitely check out the LinkedIn site. Thanks for the invite.