Article by Wendy McCance
In past posts, I’ve written of having issues with an ex-husband and how fiercely protective I am of my children. I’ve mentioned briefly that I have fibromyalgia and I have also discussed a bad work environment and how I no longer work there. I know that these subjects are all completely separate and seem random to bring up, but they have all collided in this last week.
Life is a funny thing. One moment you feel like you are finally getting a foothold on a better future, and then, WHAMO, you are sidetracked with the unpleasant side of what life has to offer. Over this last week, I got a last minute call from the ex-husband. He wanted me to keep the kids at our home for his 5 days so that he could go trapping. I didn’t even care that it was last minute. I was thrilled to have the kids for more days. The week was great, the kids were happy and I was so content. They went back to see their dad on Easter. The plan was that they would sleep over at his home and then come back to my house the next day. That night around 10:30pm my youngest called in tears. He was homesick and wanted to come home. His dad wasn’t home and he was being watched by his stepmom (not a good story). It tore me up that the one day they were supposed to see their dad they did for only a short while. There was no reason why they shouldn’t have come home for the night. Now their dad is going out of town again. The kids will get a few days more with me. There is counseling, acting class and baseball that the kids have this week. Thank g-d I’m not working right now. I don’t know how I would have done the juggle with a full-time job. The support system I had for help getting the kids from school alone is not available anymore.
This weekend my fibromyalgia flared up. I felt like I had been hit by a bus. All I could do was sleep. I was in horrible pain and my body was stiff and crackled when I moved around. All of the extra activity at home had pushed me and wore me down. What should be normal life for most people is so wearing with fibromyalgia. Your tolerance for a busy schedule becomes very small. It’s an extremely depressing feeling to wear down so quickly. I had to skip Easter at the in-laws. I ended up sleeping until 5:30pm that day. When I woke up, I could barely move let alone roll over or lift myself out of bed.
In addition to these other issues I’ve dealt with this week, I haven’t been working for 2 months. Money is disappearing faster than we can get all of the bills paid. I have sold some items for extra cash to pay the bills. Thank goodness I had items to sell.
This is what I know for certain:
1. I need to find a job that allows me to be available to the kids first and foremost. I never want them to feel anything but 100% security with me. They don’t receive that comfort from their father and these kids need to know that I will always be there and that they will always be first no matter what.
2. I need to find a way to make a living where having fibromyalgia is not such an obstacle. I am terrified of having a traditional job. When my Fibromyalgia flares up, if I don’t rest it only becomes worse and I end up in a state where I am no good to the people I work for, my family or myself.
3. I have found my calling. I love writing more than anything I have ever done. I know this is where my future lies and feel down to my core that this is what I was meant to do.
Each day, I have received in one form or another signs that I am moving in the right direction. My latest sign was getting an answer that I had asked several weeks prior on writing query letters. I received 5 answers this morning from a group I participate in. I was given some incredible links that took me to a free download of a 65 page packet on everything I could ever want to know about a query letter. I was also given a link to a blog written by a literary agent who talks quite bluntly about what works and what doesn’t when submitting a query.
The greatest part of looking inside myself and knowing without a doubt where my future lies is that I have a sense of purpose and a feeling of peace. I’m amazed that writing will fit so well into my life. It doesn’t matter what the kids schedule is or how I feel, writing can be done anytime day or night. If I need to put up my feet, no problem.
The worst part of finally knowing what I was meant to do is the uncertainty of how I will turn my passion into a career (meaning I will actually make an income). This is my sticking point. I have looked for part-time jobs, babysitting jobs, basically any job that might not be too taxing on my system where I can have some money flowing while I pursue what I love.
I’m sure this post has sounded a little rambled, but I need to figure out how to get to my next step. I feel stuck. Stuck is no good and completely not productive. Somehow I need to pick myself up, block out all of the unneccessary noise that life can create and get moving. If any of this post sounds like something you can relate to and you have an experience or advice that you feel would help, please send a comment my way. Thanks.
Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
Latest posts by Wendy McCance (see all)
- The Elusiveness Of Money - September 9, 2016
- The Challenges of Being an Older Woman - September 9, 2016
- When All the Pieces Fall Into Place - September 2, 2016
Wendy, Once when I was having a horrible time with my eyes and the pain was intense. I felt like I should make some green tea. For whatever reason when it was steeping and the steam was rising, I put my eyes over it and within a minute the pain was gone. I kid you not. It’s said somewhere that the LEAVES are for the Healing of the NATIONS. Well, it worked this time for me!
I also heard that back in the 1950s someone came up with a cure-all for Leprosy; it was again some more leaves. Go figure. Cheers, Don P.S. I have an old book with this information in it.
Hi Don,
These stories are wonderful. I love green tea and drink a cup each night. Such a bonus that it might have healing properties as well.
Wendy,
Stay clear of Prosaic. I had a friend I had spent a lot of time with who started going through some difficulty. He was a minister and was married with one child. His doctor suggested Prosaic and he turned into a different person. Talk about mind altering drugs. It has this evil side to it. Suddenly suicide looks entirely feasible in your situation. It’s a lie and the drugs will keep whispering it into your ears.
Why do folks always look for another route, any route but God, the way that does works. There are these other ways that seem right, but their end is destruction. I think you know the right way to go!
Where eagles fly,
Don (Greywolf)
Hi Don,
I actually just got a call about that post. LOL that comment wasn’t meant for me. Thanks for looking out for me though. No worries, I’m fine just had a couple off days but back to my old cheery self. 🙂
I make it a point never to use other people’s blogs to “flog my own blog.” I think it’s rude. However, I just happen to have written about this very thing back in 2010. I was stuck. In fact, my opening sentence was “OK, I admit it: I’m stuck.”
You, of course, are in better shape than I was at the time. You are writing your blog (and beautifully, I might add). You are caring for your kids, while battling through the pain. You haven’t hit bottom yet — heck you are probably even occasionally cleaning your house.
I can tell you that this, too, will pass. But while you’re waiting for that big miracle, ilife can be a bitch. At least you are doing SOMETHING. When you have a minute, read what I wrote back in 2010 when I was stuck. It’s called “How To Avoid Doing Anything.” It was not my brightest period, but it passed. Sort of…… LOL
http://bizbitchblog.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html
Kay in Hawaii
I’m looking forward to checking out your post. So crazy that we both wrote the same thing to express how we felt.
Hi, Wendy. It definitely sounds like your faith is being tested. Now is the time to be strong. Use your children as the inspiration for you to achieve your goals. Courage is the quality it takes to look at yourself with candor, your adversaries with kindness and your setbacks with serenity. Keep writing and be aware of online writing scams. Much good luck to you.
Tony
Thank you.
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Hi Wendy,
You said: “I know that these subjects are all completely separate and seem random”
Keep in mind that you said you adhere to numerous “random” religious belief systems. Keep in mind that Creator God said “You shall have no other gods before me.” That He is the God, period.
You are facing several difficulties in your life, but you are also accepting of several gods as well. Sicknesses and diseases are not from God, our Healer and Provider, but they originate from the enemies of our souls, and these could translate to ‘other gods’ IMHO.
May this help,
Don
Hi Don, I love your comments, they always make me think. Thanks so much, it helps.
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Hi Wendy, Don’t think too deeply, think SIMPLICITY! Hugs! Don
Hi Don,
That’s definitely something I’m finding I need to work on. Thanks for your comment. 🙂
Dear Wendy, I wish I could leave here a great suggestion for you to move forward, but unfortunately leaving you all my empathy is as far as I can go. I feel stuck too, sometimes so tired that I can hardly get up in the morning, sometimes so said that I feel like crying all day long, sometimes so sick (stress related) that pain feels like liberating (at least those days I can’t go to work). If it makes you feel better ate least you are in a more advanced healing state than me, I have so many things not working in my life that I actually don’t know what to priorize. Somehow you are helping me move forward. Thank you.
Hi Janica, I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I’m so glad that my blog is helpful and that you can relate. It means the world to me when I can connect to anyone who reads my blog. When I started the blog, I felt so low about so many things and knew I needed to jolt myself out of my present state. I felt there was nothing to lose by writing it all down. I honestly wrote for me and really didn’t think anyone would really be interested. The surprises that have come along with this blog have been many. The best part has been the connections with people who have read the blog as well as advice and support. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Just questioning yourself and not feeling comfortable with your current state is honestly good. You are moving ahead to fix what you are unhappy with even if it doesn’t feel like you are moving. I promise the work has begun. Keep pushing yourself towards what you want and it will start to evolve. Take care
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Janica — one word: Prozac. There is a reason that it is so popular. It doesn’t solve your problems. But it can make you see things differently and allow you to solve some of them yourself. Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with taking a perfectly legal medical solution to a chemical imbalance.
Would you refuse to take insulin if you had diabetes because you felt that if your faith was strong enough, God would move the glucose from your blood into your body’s cells without insulin? Would you refuse dialysis with “tough love,” by telling your if your kidneys to quit malfunctioning and just straighten up and get back to cleansing your blood like they are supposed to?
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that controls your mood, appetite, sleep and some cognitive functions including memory and learning. A chemical imbalance of Serotonin is not a weakness. It is an illness. I don’t have any idea whether you have that chemical imbalance or not. But boy do I ever recognize all of the symptoms that you are talking about.
Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt. There is hope at the end of this tunnel. Please look into it.
Kay in Hawaiii
The following story has been around the block a few times and published in numerous places. Enjoy this tale here as it expresses some of my deepest thoughts on the life I live, and my relationship with ONE who is a present help in TIMES of TROUBLE.
WARRIOR SPIRIT
By Don Ford (Greywolf)
“Small Feather, which hand is the marble in?”
“Why are you doing this game? You know I can read faces. There is no object in
either hand, while they are yet in your pocket.”
“You have said well, young warrior. I have never tried your gift, my young
friend. Do you see into the future?”
“For others I can.” The brave spoke freely.
“How far can you see?” The elder felt an excitement welling up inside of him.
“To the grave and then beyond.”
“What of the Great Beyond? Have you been there?”
“Only as my spirit would fly. My body would remain here, and my spirit would
drift to those other realms.”
“So, there are many places we can go?”
“Exactly two, wise one.” One is not a place I wish to talk of. It is the one I
see most often, and where most lives retire to.”
“How is that place?”
“It is full of dreadful creatures who once were human. These are screaming
without stopping and there are flames that cannot be quenched.”
“But is that a real place? Are there any you know from here?”
“Yes, many, but they do not recognize me. This is the most curious of all, of
this I wonder greatly.”
“And the other place; what of the other place?”
“That place would take me a lifetime to explain and explore. Each time I go
there I am amazed at the new views and wide panoramic vistas of colors and
splendors. I can’t see into my own future, but it is the place I hope to go
beyond the dark veil of this world.”
“So, I take it we are seeing two very opposites places?”
“That is an understatement. It is certainly that and much more; like apples and
oranges are different and worlds apart. The one place is unchanging, a firestorm
always burning; people gnashing teeth and yelling. The other place is in a
constant state of flux, and changes with every visit.”
“You are describing a world beyond our own, that I would love to retire to.”
“Did I say this was a retirement or resting place? No, I didn’t! It is full of
activity, singing, happy folks dancing, and when he comes by…”
“Who is he?”
“He is none other than the great one and Creator of our present world and
probably worlds beyond. The woods and creatures there leap for joy too at his
appearing. I would be lying if I told you this was a place of rest. It is
eternity unfurled. No one tires; everyone is on the move. There is more to do in
this place than a hundred lifetimes could occupy.”
“Now the big question: where am I in all of this?”
“Yes, and now the reason for my visit, wise one. Though your life has been a
good one, and your heart is kind, you have never yielded your life to the
Creator of Heaven and Earth. You are a strong warrior and your life has been
full of grand exploits. You have done it all on your own. Will you now, at long
last, yield to the Great Master? He is kind and fair; he has a plan for every
member of mankind. Most do not feel they need his hand upon their lives. Will
you yield?”
“For one so young and untried, I marvel at how you have been given an old man’s
wisdom. I knew that a day like this would come. Somehow I sensed there must be
more to life than what leads us to the grave. There has to be more beyond our
own finite minds. I do yield, young one. You are wise beyond your years. I will
gladly yield my life to this Great Spirit and join you in that day - and in that
place.”
Suddenly the birds broke out into a great chorus of singing. The trees also
began to gently sway as a soul found its way back to its Creator.
What an incredible story. It means the world to me that you shared it. Thank you so much, I loved it.
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Wendy, I debated whether this was the right place for this. I’m a Spiritual person, now that is obvious, but please let no one think me to be religious. Cheers, Don (Greywolf)
P.S.:
Someone asked me where my Seneca name (Greywolf) came from, and I explained that earlier my hair was black and I was Blackwolf, now my temple areas are GREYING. LOL
Hi Don, I would consider myself spiritual as well. As far as religion, I take a little from one religion and a little from another. I have never found a religion that 100% feels like the perfect fit, but there are aspects of each that I can relate to and put it together to make my own personal fit. For me, an open mind, kindness to others and awareness that there are many things in the universe at work is how I like to see things. I do respect that every individual has their own way of seeing religion and spirituality and what they see is right for them. Thanks again for the great comments. I’ve learned some great things from your thoughts. Oh yeah, I love the story of how you got your name, it made me smile.
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I am a believer that we are exactly where we are meant to be at this moment in time. You will go through hills and valleys but have faith that you’re on the right path. The difference between someone who is successful and someone who isn’t is their determination. Also, as Tony Robbins says, your energy will go where ever your focus is. Focus on the blessings in your life and keep pursuing your passion. Doors open in the strangest places….xoxo
Hi Christina, I love this!!! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
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Hi Wendy!
First of all, I’m sorry you’ve had a tough week. However, the good I see from everything that
happened is that you are clear on your life purpose. Yay! Many people never get there.
I wonder if my post today on trying too hard might resonate for you. I think you may be working too hard at figuring out how to get where you want to be, and perhaps relaxing and asking for guidance and support from spirit (or whatever you call higher power) is what you need right now.
Wishing you all the best!
xoxo
Laura
Hi Laura, I’m excited to read your post. It’s crazy but there are times that I will read something you wrote and it seems to have been the perfect subject in answering questions in my mind for that moment. I appreciate all of the support, your thoughts mean a lot to me. I definitely think your right about quieting my mind. Sometimes I will write on purpose when I am right in the middle of feeling either very low or very happy about something. I seem to get more out of my writing and my voice sounds more authentic at those moments which I strive for. Thanks again for your thoughts.
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Wendy,
The word higher help or help from above was no where in the picture here, so I will not add it, though I strongly adhere to help outside of me, a greater power that works. Being Native American, I find my help and peace in Creator God. At best I could cross my fingers and wish for you all the luck this world has to offer.
Where eagles fly,
Don (Greywolf)
Thanks for the comment. I actually do believe in help from above. There have been many times where something appears just at the moment I feel that I am at my lowest. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to mention something you already know but can’t see in front of your face. Thank you for the jolt. I need to remember I’m not alone. Your comment was really apprecited.
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I hadn’t read this reply from Don before posting my own, but obviously we are on the same page. Surrender to higher power when we feel helpless and don’t know where to turn. I’ve experienced the power in this vividly myself.
Wendy. I feel for the position you are in. Your highs seem so high and your lows really grip you. I haven’t had to deal with the struggles of having an ex cause havoc in my life. However, I have a family member who has. You try to be civil and not rock the boat as it is about the kids. Kids know and sometimes we need to listen to them. There can be wisdom in their little souls. Letting them know your goals, and the reason behind them, helps them see why you are keeping the budget tight right now. They usually try to find a way to help. It could be something as simple as helping with couponing, as it is a hot thing right now. As for your health issues, fibromyalgia is one of those diseases that wears a few masks. You never know where it is going to hit and how bad this bout will be. I tend to be more holistic with my approach to medicine. There are some options out there that you could learn to help you cope. (google holistic fibromyalgia.) You are a good writer, so don’t lose that train of thought. Keep your dreams alive, strive to be the best one you can be. Hugs to you.
Hi Liz, Your words are always so comforting. Thanks so much. I will definitely check out holistic fibromyalgia. I am all for ways of treating your health naturally.
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