We’ve all been there. You are going through what feels like the most stressful time of your life. You wish you could just peek into the future for some hope that all will be well. I have had that feeling several times in my life. You wonder why do I have to suffer? What good could possibly come from this? Will this nightmare ever end? Will I find comfort and peace at the end of this difficult time?
I am not a magician and can not possibly show you your future (although I wish I could because it would be so cool). What I can do is write about some really low times and what happened further down the road. I hope this post will give you some peace or at least hope that all will be well if you are in the midst of a difficult time.
I had a horrible first marriage. It was extremely volatile and scary. I had a restraining order and was truly afraid of something horrible happening to me or the kids.
I won’t lie, it was a horrible time and I walked around like a zombie for an incredibly long time. From that experience, I gained a closeness with my kids I never thought was possible. I have an extraordinary amount of patience and rarely fly off the handle with the kids. I was given the opportunity to do a do over. I reevaluated my life. I realized that now that I was free, I could actually do what I wanted. For me I wanted to be able to get out with my friends and get involved in some activities (I was not able to really do this while I had been married. Let’s just say control issues and leave it at that). I met and married the type of man I hadn’t realized existed until I met him. The kids and I feel lucky that he is in our lives. There is a great amount of love, respect, kindness, generosity and care that we had not experienced until we met him.
We lost our home to foreclosure
This is tough. There is so much I could say about the ups and downs of this experience. I will narrow it down to this. We have a roof over our head. It is not the house we fell in love with, that home was foreclosed on. The home we live in now is in a decent neighborhood. The kids still go to the same school they had always gone to and they still have their own bedrooms. The home we fell in love with, although beautiful and in a great upscale neighborhood was a money pit. We didn’t know this when we bought the home, but the house was built on a spring. Our garage floor caved in and the cement driveway and walkway was cracking everywhere. Both had been perfect when we moved in and the problems were out of control within 3 years. We had flooding in the basement every time it rained (even though we had a sump pump). We had rotting wood underneath the siding we had been replacing. The list goes on and on. If we had a choice our emotions would have gotten the best of us and we would have stayed and tried to fix problems that would never gone away.
My husband and I lost our jobs
We were both working for an auto plant and the plant closed. We went from living comfortably to panicking about where the next job would come from. This was during the same time the country went through a recession and jobs were hard to come by. My husband and I got rid of all of our debt although we ran through our retirement savings trying to stay afloat. We now want nothing to do with credit cards or car payments. We will run our cars into the ground because we aren’t interested in spending any money for a bright and shiny new car. We have sworn off credit cards and write checks or pay cash for everything. The amount of relief we feel when we go to our mailbox is unreal. We used to get bills in the mail almost every day, now we can go weeks without seeing a bill.
My husband found his calling and got a job where he gets to problem solve each day. It is an area he excels at. For years he had been saying how he wished he could get out of the factory and find a job where he could use his brain and feel valuable. He never would have left the security of a good paycheck to go after his dreams. Losing his job was the push he needed. For me, I have found writing. I feel like I finally found my own calling. Who knows what the future will hold, but I love it just the same. After years of trying to conform to the personality of the job I held, I am able in my writing to throw caution to the wind. I can express myself in the most authentic way which is a very freeing experience.
I have Fibromyalgia and Graves Disease
I have learned how to enjoy the most simple of things. If I have a day out with friends or family, it’s a good day. If I get through errands and get the house up to par, it’s a good day. If I don’t feel excessively tired or achy, it’s a good day. If I can barely get around or feel exhausted, I know I need a break and although it’s annoying, I’ll give in to it. I’ll watch a movie, read a book, nap, talk on the phone, basically give myself a self-maintenance day. I get this incredible reminder to slow down and take it all in. How many people can you think of who give themselves a break to just do something quietly around the house just for them? I mean, really, a nap? I am spoiled to have that luxury when I need it.
I’m sure there are more situations I could bring up, but I can’t think of anything offhand. It is fustrating when you can’t see what is around the bend. Just remember that it seems that the worst situations bring the best results. You just have to be open to change, want to make your situation better, work at it the best you can and have a little faith.
Wendy McCance is a Michigan based freelance writer and social media consultant. Wendy has gained attention as the founder of the popular blog Searching for the Happiness which can be viewed in 9 local papers online, including the Oakland Press. The combination of writing skills and social media knowledge is what makes Wendy such a powerhouse to work with. Stay tuned for opportunities to advertise, guest post and as always, have your questions answered.
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
Hi Wendy! I just checked out your blog after seeing your discussion post on LinkedIn. I’m also in the Women’s Memoir group on LinkedIn. I really like what I’ve read on your blog so far! It’s so encouraging! I also have a blog that I started last August although it focuses primarily on how I live with schizoaffective disorder. I also write about enjoying life, and how to be happy. I am constantly looking for meaning and ways to make a negative or bad experience a positive one! It sounds like you’ve overcome a lot of obstacles in your life and I really admire you for what you’ve accomplished. Great writing! Jen
I’m so glad you have enjoyed the blog. I’d love to check out your blog. It sounds like something I’d enjoy reading. Next time you check in, would you leave a link to your blog?
Sure! Here is my website - http://www.sundancekidonline.com. It’s about my experience living with my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I write a lot about Buddhism too! Enjoy!
Thanks so much. I’m going to check it out now. I’m excited to read what you have on Buddhism. I love the thinking behind it.
What is that saying? “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” True but there are days when you just wish it would back off! Then the grace comes over you again and you learn what the lesson was teaching you. Whew! Thanks for sharing Wendy!
Way to look at the bright side of things Wendy. You are a “glass half full” kinda person, and I love that about you!
Aw, thanks. 🙂
Another wonderful post! You truly have a gift!
thanks, that’s so nice of you to say. 🙂
Hello, I have enjoyed your blog, and would like to pass the sunshine award on to you. It is on my latest post where I have mentioned your blog. Thanks, Terri
Thanks so much. You made my day. The recognition is wonderful.
The Glad Game! This is exactly what I mean by that. There is always a silver lining, a bright side, a good point. You might be laid up in the hospital with a concussion, but with the bad hospital food, you will lose a few pounds!
That’s hysterical. I love the name the “glad game. ” How clever.
I wish I could take credit 😛
Wendy, I truly believe that every bad experience is an opportunity for learning and growth - you’ve obviously found this yourself. Being able to see the upside sometimes takes time and perspective, but holding the knowledge that one day you will understand it is so helpful when you’re in the midst of it.
So beautifully said!
Your posts sings to my heart. You look at adversity and see opportunity. You experience the most difficult and see hope. You take each day as a gift and embrace it with all your heart. You love without reservation. I will walk beside you in spirit and be your frirend. Susan Cooper
Your comment was so sweet. Thank you for the kind words my friend. 🙂