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Sharing a Piece of My Soul

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Puzzle

 

 

 

 

Article by Wendy McCance

I’d like to share a little piece of my soul with you. It’s nothing I’ve ever really spoken with anyone about, but this blog, this family of readers, I want to share it with you, here. You see, I have been numb for close to a year now. Shock from that damn cancer diagnosis has been slow to wear off.

I was diagnosed with smoldering multiple myeloma. What that means is that I have blood cancer, but my numbers haven’t reached a stage where it makes sense to begin treatment. Now, here’s the crazy part, when you are told you have cancer, your instinct is to fight. Get it out, control it, whatever you need to do to somehow take charge of the situation. But, with my diagnosis, there is no fighting. There is only waiting.

You would think that this isn’t such a bad place to be. When I sit back and think about it in a logical fashion, I agree. The problem is emotions get in the way and impatience tends to rule. It’s difficult going through a process of seeing your doctor every two months and holding your breath until you hear that you are good to go for another two months.

In my situation, the numbers have inched up ever so slightly. My original prognosis was treatment within a year based on the blood tests I was enduring each month. Well, in April, I will be at the one year mark.

So, what I would like to share with you is how messed up my head has been at waiting for something to progress that I don’t want to get worse. How can I want something to stay as it is and at the same time have such an incredible urge to get on with it already. There is this need to fight that has gone unresolved. My patience is wearing thin and my emotions have gone up and down so many times from all of the appointments to check my blood that I am just fed up thinking about the what if’s and am I prepared enough.

You can never cure your body of multiple myeloma. You can only hope for remission. With that said, it gives me tremendous amounts of guilt to feel that I wish that I could go to battle all ready. How can I feel this way when there are people who are actively fighting their cancer and who would trade for my situation in a heartbeat?

So, there you have it, a little piece of my soul shared. It’s not a comfortable thing to admit, but maybe, just maybe, someone else can relate and find comfort in knowing that they aren’t the only one going through such an uncomfortable experience.

 

Wendy McCance

Wendy McCance is a Michigan based freelance writer and social media consultant. Wendy has gained attention as the founder of the popular blog Searching for the Happiness which can be viewed in 9 local papers online, including the Oakland Press. The combination of writing skills and social media knowledge is what makes Wendy such a powerhouse to work with. Stay tuned for opportunities to advertise, guest post and as always, have your questions answered.

To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]

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20 thoughts on “Sharing a Piece of My Soul”

  1. Can’t find the right words, Wendy, to soothe your soul, my friend. I wish I could as only you know what it’s like and how you feel in your body. I will send you love and heartfelt prayers to have courage and find the peace within and guidance you need. It’s there — don’t give up. Stay in the moment — not the future or past. It’s yours to cherish. Hugs and prayers — God bless you today! xxoo

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  2. Wendy I cannot imagine the toll this must be taking on you and your family. I have seen what cancer has to many that I know and care about. There is only one character (yes he is that, to say the least :))that had to undergo many treatments and breath holding months. His first diagnosis was when he was 6 years old. He is now 13 and pulled against the odds and is in remission. He is the best friend of one of my grandsons. I saw what the effects were on my grandson. The questions he had to face at a young age, and assess the answers that were given has changed his outlook.

    Disease is one of those things that tick a person off. You are allowed to go through the roller coaster of emotions. Your family and friends are allowed to go through them with you and/or beside you, as need be. The “C” word strikes fear in the host and the circle around them. Guilt, no guilt, doubt, wanting second opinions, steps that need to be taken, are the finances in shape, is it the time to share…the list goes on.

    The main thing is to keep yourself as healthy for as long as possible by trying to eat well, rest as much as possible and feed your brain with uplifting and challenging input. Don’t doubt your worth.

    I am going to quit here. You are loved and thought of often by many.

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    • Hi Liz, thank you so much for your heartfelt comment. I feel so bad for the little boy you spoke of. This is the reason feeling the way I do can be so heart wrenching. The guilt is horrible when I know there are people who are facing FAR worse. I hope things have improved greatly for this little boy. Thanks again for taking the time to leave a comment. It did mean the world to me.

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  3. I think it’s a totally human reaction, but probably very difficult to admit out loud. Thinking about you all the time. You will persevere! Ronna

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  4. Have been thinking of you ever since you first posted about your cancer diagnosis. I’m sure the waiting is a terrible thing to go through and so hard on your emotional health. Thank you for sharing a piece of your soul with us today - we do care about you and about how you’re doing. Hugs from Canada.

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  5. Wendy,
    Thanks again. I know well the emotional roller coaster that can accompany the waiting game of having Drs. & medical test results as one’s judge & jury. As I read your post, I was reminded of these words from the blind musician in my ‘Notes In Tune’ chapter within my book: “Life is a river; and love is the current. … Let more flow through to live and grow.” (In case you have misplaced your copy, here’s a link to online access: http://www.jayschimke.com/Ebook/Chapter%2017be.pdf)
    Continuously summoning patience is understandably challenging, given the circumstances you describe. Perhaps something in my latest extended signature line below will supportively connect with your spirit as ‘WELL’:
    Take Care-♥�?-> …,
    Jay

    Shim Key Sound Life Steps-�?��?-> …

    2-Balance-&-Enrich-Your Life … By Heart … With Kindness …

    For Goodness Sake … Involve Music -*- Evolve Spirit
    Connect Music to Life-*-> … Skip-March-Waltz-Shuffle …

    Simply Pace Yourself -*- … LIVE WELL …
    Support-&-Lead -*- Like Our Seasons -*- Play/Work/Receive/Rest
    Add Versatile Life Spirit Steps … Enjoy The Dance Called Life …

    Gather-&-Open Nurture Your Spirit … Grow In Harmony …
    GO With What Is Given … With Each Breath … Across Space-&-Time

    LIVE WELL Easier … By Healthy Life Example ResultsAzWELL.com

    Blend Key Life Spirit Notes … L augh-I mprove-V alue-E nergize …

    Savor Your Evolving Life … W ant-E nable-L IVE-L ove

    Jay S. Schimke Life Spirit Leader-♥�?-> TLC* Actions …
    Life Spirit Coach-Musician-Author
    -Connect- The Caring Flow-> Passion-Patience-Faith …

    WELL-*-Partners
    Receive-&-Give Compassion: WELL-Anchored Life Spirit Support
    TLC* (Tend-to-LIVE-&-Care) Versatile Notes-&-Tunes-4-Life …
    … We Simply Touch Hearts-♥�?-&-Nurture Spirits … As ‘WELL’ …

    Reply

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