Article by Wendy McCance
One of my kids has been through some difficult health problems for about two years now. One of the hardest things I’ve heard my child say is how no one else that they know has to face what they are facing. The way my child sees it, every other kid they know is living an idyllic life and no one can relate to how hard being this sick has been.
My child understands that there are many kids who are less fortunate. It is understood that some kids are leading an incredibly rough childhood. What is difficult for my child is that the kids my child knows all seem to be doing very well. There is no one else who has missed exceptional amounts of school because they are too exhausted to get out of bed. There is no one else they know who has had to cut back on social activities and drop extracurricular activities completely because of their health. These are the years that have the biggest impact and the (hopefully) fondest memories to look back on and my child feels cheated.
It’s heartbreaking to observe. This is not what I thought would happen to any of my children, but let’s face it, that’s life. Life never goes the way you expect it to. There is no easy path to follow that will guarantee that all will be well. You must accept that there will be kinks in the road and challenges that must be faced head on.
I think what make these situations so tough is that people tend to hide the personal pain they face. Secrets behind closed doors are rarely seen. Very few people are willing to open up and show others their most vulnerable side. Not many people are willing to let others observe the moments that make them feel less than perfect.
Although I tend to be quiet about what goes on in my own life (aside from writing it down on a blog), if someone asks, I am willing to be open and honest about what is going on in my own life. I just don’t see the point in putting on a show or denying what I am facing. Why? If I hide my feelings, then you don’t know me. If you don’t know me, then how are we friends? You can’t be friends when there is no concept of who a person really is. I want to be connected to those who love my heart. The only way for that to happen is to expose it.
So, I look around and see all of the people who close their doors and lock them several times so their secrets don’t get out. If they only realized that we are all human, made from the same cloth. We can all relate to some of what goes on behind your doors because we have faced difficulties as well.
Sometimes I think about what the world would be like if people were able to put their guard down and just accept who they were. If they could just love themselves and understand that there is no such thing as a perfect anything. Perfect is an illusion, a lie that was created to push people towards better things and strive for the storybook life that is impossible for anyone to achieve.
So this is what my child is learning. There is no perfect life. You must deal with the hand you are dealt with and bask in the knowledge that each time you face difficulties in life you become stronger, wiser and end up doing better in life if you take what you are learning and make the most of the lesson.
I am lucky that I have a child who has found the simple moments when they get to school or go out with friends as times to be grateful for and have fun. My child is now looking forward to the future. Once their medicine has been adjusted and they are feeling like their old self, there are many goals my child wants to achieve. There is already a list of activities they want to pursue. Goals for getting the best grades and spending as much time as possible enjoy their friendships. The world was dim, but has slowly brightened as a diagnoses has been made and hope has been restored.
Wendy McCance
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Beaming the wellness vibes your way. I know. My daughter has Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It would be so wonderful if we could take away the pain! Your great attitude and life outlook IS healing. So keep up the good work and know you’re not alone. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for reminding all of us that sharing is a strength, not a weakness. Too many people are living in pain of one kind or another because they’re all wadded up with secrets. We don’t need to whine or complain but we do need to let it out and be authentic!
Thanks Cyndi for sharing your situation. Wishing the very best for your daughter. Sounds like you have had a lot on your plate as well. It’s been good to hear from others and to get their perspective. Blogs can be such a powerful and wonderful way to get through tough times. Grateful for the comments.
No one can truly understand another persons struggles in life, because we are all different and in be different the way we cope and handle things are different……………that said I like this and it moved me
Joanne, thank you for your thoughts. You are right. Just seeing the words about what we understand about each other somehow gave me comfort. Thank you for that.
I think that is one of the hardest things, Wendy, to watch our children go through illness and tough times. We’d prefer to take it on ourselves rather than have them go through it.
But, like you and having gone through my own stuff, I can see the wisdom. I learned a lot about life and about myself and what’s important. I wouldn’t change any of it. But, I know that’s hard to say when you’re still there and in the middle of it.
I’m happy to hear there’s good news on medicine adjustments and she’s hopeful. One thing she has is a loving and supportive mother that will always be there for her. She couldn’t be more blessed for that and I’m hoping the best for her in getting it all sorted out.
Thanks so much Pat. You are wonderful.