Article by Wendy McCance
Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman. They met each other and became friends. Both had very different backgrounds. The man had lived a carefree life and although he had girlfriends every now and then, he didn’t take the relationships too seriously. He was having fun with his life and went on many adventures. He didn’t think much about his emotions, why bother? Life was fun, and emotions could drag you down. Overall he was content with his lifestyle, but deep down, something was missing.
The woman came from a much different place. She had worked hard to be independent. Out of the house just after high school graduation, she went from a bad family life to a bad relationship. The relationship culminated into a marriage that replayed her childhood feelings of being alone and unloved. At some point years down the road, something inside of her snapped and she realized that the life she was living was not the life she wanted for herself. Fear and sadness was her way of life. She no longer had friends or family around her and she was a shadow of herself. Barely recognizable, she mustered up all of her strength and left the marriage for a happier, healthier life on her own.
The man and the woman who had met and became friends both carried baggage of a different sort. Somehow they meshed well even so. The man taught the woman how to enjoy life again. He taught her how to be free and to take life less seriously. The woman taught the man how to feel emotion. How to open up and want more for himself than the superficial adventures that made up his life.
Together the pair felt like they were soul mates. How could two such very different people from such very different backgrounds connect so well to each other? Together the couple felt as though when combined that they made one complete person. Everything was perfect and felt right so they married.
For several years life was better than either could imagine. The couple really understood each other. They loved each other tremendously and the support and care they had for the other was commented on often by friends and family. They were thought to be the perfect couple.
Several more years passed and the couple became comfortable in their routine, with each other and with life. The passion had faded and the talking had slowed down considerably. Life took over and there were new issues to conquer. Careers, homes and children took precedent and the couples unique union was thrown further and further into the background of what was important.
One day the woman awoke and looked at her husband asleep next to her. A tear ran down her face as she realized she was sleeping next to a stranger. Life had gotten in the way of their closeness and now their relationship was becoming unrecognizable. Where had the feelings gone? The woman was smart enough to know that the key to a strong, solid, close relationship was to celebrate the love between each other. The lack of the deep conversations, time spent intimately together and enjoying getting out together had worn through the close bond they shared. There was a gaping hole in the relationship.
The woman tried desperately to recapture what had been lost. She tried to be intimate, to plan adventures and to really open up about her feelings. Sadly, the man didn’t see what the woman was concerned about. He felt comfort and didn’t worry about the what if’s of continuing the relationship in this new fashion.
The woman became rejected when trying to get close. The walls in her head went up further and further. She went into protective mode so as not to be further hurt or disappointed. The man went back to his old ways of living life lightly. People from the past came into the present, nonchalance was the new attitude and the relationship crumbled.
The woman was deeply saddened. What had happened to her soul mate? This was supposed to be a relationship that would last forever? Was there truly such a thing as forever? Why didn’t the man see the loss? What had changed in his mind? The endless questions plagued the woman until she thought she might go mad.
The woman wanted closeness. She thought about seeking out old friends herself. She was crushed and only wanted her soul mate by her side. The man was in a state of confusion. Why was the woman so upset? What was she seeing that he was not? Why did everything need to be thought about, analyzed and worried about? What ever happened to a free easy lifestyle?
The man and the woman went back to living in a way that had always been most comfortable to themselves. Old patterns had not died, only been shoved to a far corner of their mind. The man went back to living lightly while ignoring the dreaded emotions. The woman went back to thinking too much and freezing up instead of enjoying life. The patterns that the couple had created together bringing them so close died. The feelings were unrecognizable and had shrivelled up from lack of love, care and tending to each other.
Keep the love alive in your relationship. Like any relationship in your life whether it be with friends, family or your partner, there is work involved. Relationships don’t run on autopilot but need care, and support and a lot of love. Without reaching out and showing how you feel, without continuing to enjoy each other and making time for that enjoyment, your relationship will crumble.
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Wendy McCance
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
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Very powerful and moving. I do believe as you say relationships are work, all relationships are VERY HARD WORK! I believe as long as there is Love there, on either part wether it is loud or buried some where in the midst of life’s ups and downs, it is so worth the work. You should never give up on the one or ones you love, because that is real love. Each person is different wether they are soul mates or not and when you know you are, you can sometimes think that they should always see the way you do. However each person is so uniquely and completely different and growing up in two different kinds of family’s wether the families are similar or not each person is programed different. Even within the same family siblings can be like night and day. So I guess my belief now is no matter how close you are, the one or ones you love may never read you like a book. or be able to see through your beautiful eyes. Again though, as you have stated you never give up. Love is worth fighting for with all the work it takes. With all the hard work those souls will fall into sink once more and see eye to eye. Stay strong, fight hard and LOVE MUCH.
A story that is real life for so many people, but not me. My hubby and I are constantly being asked “How have you stayed together for so long?” We answer, “because we are best friends. We tell each other everything, we go everywhere together, and we give each other our own personal space. And most important is we communicate our feelings, needs, and wants.” After that response, we get, “you guys are strange.” And we reply, “yea, guess we are and that is the reason we are still together and why you all have divorced.”
Thanks for sharing. Hope some will learn from this.
If you haven’t seen “Hope Springs” you must. It ‘s a dramatization of what you wrote. 🙂
I’ve never heard of it. Is it a movie? Sounds like something that I’d be interested in viewing. Thanks for the info. 🙂
It’a movie. You’ll love it. 🙂
Wow! Incredibly powerful and moving. Thanks for sharing.
🙂