Article by Wendy McCance
If you could step back in time and change something you did, what would it be? This question popped into my mind last night. I was hanging out with a group of people and I was catching up with someone I hadn’t spoken with in quite a while.
We were talking about what the future held for her. She described how she was thinking about moving half way across the country. She thought it would be a great experience to move to a location that was warm and sunny all the time. She wanted to be in a location where there was a lot of outdoor activities and was really quite different from where she currently lived.
I said that it sounded great and that it was the perfect time in her life to be adventurous. She is free in that she isn’t married with children, her parents aren’t old and in need of their child’s support and she has a career that would be easy to find where she is heading.
This is when I started thinking about my life when I was her age. I had always figured that once I was out of school, I would move out of the state. I was determined to move back to Montana. I lived there for several years and truly missed being there. When I was young, I was fairly uncertain of my ability to pick up and move on my own. Honestly, although I moved out of my home at 18 yrs old and was determined to make it on my own, moving out of the state was a whole other thing.
I know that doing things differently would have had some really harsh consequences. I wouldn’t have my children or the husband I adore. Putting the consequences aside and just concentrating on experiences, I really do wish I had pushed myself more. I could be so brave up to a point and then I would hit a wall.
When I moved out of my parents home, I had a job that gave me enough money to barely squeak by. I didn’t even have a car when I signed a lease with a roommate. Moving out of the state was a whole different thing. Somehow I could never find that confidence. I still remember my worries. It wasn’t about finding a job, place to live or would I make friends. My worries were downright ridiculous. I had never traveled alone. How would I figure out the airport? How would I get my things to another state? These were issues I had never tackled. It seemed so very far out of my comfort zone that I didn’t budge.
The only other time I had really tried to make my dream of moving a reality is when I had met my ex-husband. I was brave enough to try to move with someone in tow. Unfortunately, he loved where he lived. He had always lived in the same state and had many family members that lived close by. His ties were to tight for him to break them and move out of state.
So I pose the question to you. If you could have done something significant differently what would it have been?
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Wendy McCance
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Hi Wendy,
You caught me at the point where you wrote about having living in Montana and thought about going back. Coincidentally, I live in Montana (moved from California 18 years ago)! It’s not for the faint of heart! In answer to your question, there are so many things I would change about my past if I could, but not giving up having the children I have. I know how you feel about that one! I think the deeper question has to do with being afraid to try something that is uncomfortable. In my twenties, I developed agoraphobia and couldn’t even leave my house. I began to fight against it in order to win my freedom from fear. I have done a LOT, but there is till much to conquer if I’m serious about it. I travel alone but I would not travel alone to somewhere I’ve never personally been, but instance. I have a stepdaughter who went to Europe alone. I admire her so much. I love that saying, “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Also, “it’s not brave if you aren’t afraid.” I want to keep growing too. Great post.
Hi Linda, I really appreciate that you wrote about your experience. I loved the quote at the end that said, “it’s not brave if you aren’t afraid.” What a perfect sentiment!
Another good post Wendy. I like it when you pose different scenarios and questions to talk and think about. I guess I never really quite thought about what I could differently in my life. If I had to give a spontaneous answer I guess it would be to get a college education but for what I don’t know. There are alot of things I’m interested in and would want to learn more about and be better at.
Don’t think I’d change anything though and could always take some classes and learn more about the things I’m interested in.
Loved your comment. I’m so glad you are enjoying the questions. 🙂
I could look back and find things I wish I hadn’t done, or done differently, but like others who commented I wouldn’t have what I have today. I did the traveling and moved around quite a bit. Right out of high school I moved from Pennsylvania to California. I’ve lived in three states and seen most of the country and am glad I did, but that holds no interest in me much any longer. Where could I have gone if I took one of the other forks in the road, who knows, but where I ended up is pretty darn good. I have no regrets.
It’s great that you have no regrets. Sounds like you did a great job of making good choices right from the start. 🙂
Oh no way! I started off horribly. Made plenty of mistakes and got myself in some predicaments. Biggest being an abusive relationship that I had to hide from for 16 years till his death. But I have a wonderful son and now his family as a result. So even though I would love to have never experienced that pain, I wouldn’t give my son up for anything.
That’s an incredible story. I’m so glad you and your son are now safe.
Thank you.
I honestly can’t think of anything I’d change because if I did, then that would change something else, then something else, on down the line. All of my good times, bad times and painful times, have made me into who I am today. Not that I’m perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m happy and have many blessings to be thankful for… Good blog idea! 😀
Thanks. 🙂
I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. Because of that belief I’m not sure I would change anything. Then again, I think about how much I am enjoying writing and wish I would have become more self confident earlier to do what I am doing now. As for anything else, including my abusive ex, nah, I am who I am because of my past. I turned out pretty good all things considered.
Great point of view. Thanks so much for commenting.
I would love to say that I’d change this or that, but, truthfully, all of my experiences have made me the person I am today and I’m pretty happy with who I am. I know the lessons that had to be learned along the way and I’m glad I learned them. Some of the methods weren’t so pleasant, but I made it through. Great post, though.
Karina
Thanks and I really appreciate your thoughts on the subject.
I wouldn’t have married my abusive first husband and I would have gone to school to become an horticulturist and landscape architect. That said, if I had done that, I wouldn’t have meet my soul mate. So life has its reasons for our path that we sometimes don’t understand or appreciate until later. 🙂
Very true. 🙂